New Intended Parents: How to Bond with Your Newborn
The first precious moments next to a newborn are what future parents dream of. A mixture of excitement, anxiety and awe is natural to experience in a situation like this. However, with surrogate pregnancy, these feelings can be exacerbated.
Many parents wonder how best to befriend their baby when they finally get home after all the ordeal. Feskov Human Reproduction specialists, according to their experience in the implementation of reproductive services, state that bonding can begin even before the baby is born. Regardless of whether a surrogate mother is involved in the process.
The importance of bonding with the newborn
Communication with the newborn is crucial both for the relationship between parents and child, and for the overall development of the baby. When the caregiver is responsive to the baby's needs, a relationship of trust and lifelong attachment develops. This creates the conditions for the growing child to have healthy relationships with others throughout his life and to properly experience and express the full range of emotions.
However, the connection does not always arise immediately. And that's okay too. Research shows that affection for your baby can grow over time. For example, there are situations when a newborn is separated from its mother for medical reasons or as a result of adoption. Parents can form strong and healthy bonds with their children on a variety of occasions. Because forming a bond is a truly unique experience. And it is normal if it occurs both immediately, and over time.
Is there a connection with surrogate pregnancy?
Sure! In fact, pregnancy is a key moment for connection formation, whether it is natural or surrogate. The main myth about surrogacy is that it prevents parents from communicating with their child. In fact, expectant parents may be connected with a child during surrogate pregnancy, it just takes a little creativity to do this, for example:
- create an email account for the future child. When the baby grows up, he will not only be able to use it for its intended purpose, but it is also a special method for parents to share feelings and emotions. Which are sometimes easier to express in writing. There you can add photos, videos and messages from other family members. This time capsule will be a positive experience for the family;
- get closer to the baby through sounds, voices. By about 24 weeks of development, the fetus in the uterus can hear external sounds. Parents can record messages for the surrogate for playback through small speakers. Reading fairy tales, favorite books, songs, conversations is a regular acquaintance with the voices of parents. When the baby is born, these sounds will quickly become familiar and loved.
- birth process, which can be an important experience for future parents. Usually, parents are present throughout the entire birthing process. They are advised to have skin-to-skin contact immediately after the baby is born. To do this, you need to draw up a delivery plan in advance that best meets the needs of each participant in the action.
There are many more ways to develop contact with your baby, which are limited only by the imagination of the intended parents. Working closely with the gestational carrier and the surrogacy team will surely help.
How the parent-surrogate relationship works
The relationship between parents and surrogate begins at the first meeting, where questions of hopes and expectations from the upcoming pregnancy and childbirth arise. In fact, all such relationships are different. That is why Surrogacy Agency Feskov Human Reproduction conducts a special matching process, which allows you to achieve an almost perfect match of surrogate mothers and parents at the first meeting - 97%!
And this is just the beginning. To make the surrogate journey as comfortable and successful as possible, it is important to work together with a team (agency, clinic, lawyers, etc.) so that all needs are understood and met. The experience of the agency's specialists will help to solve the urgent problems of surrogacy, to cope with the ups and downs that may come along the way.
After delivery, it is recommended that the surrogate mother and baby stay together for a few minutes. This will make your baby feel safe. Because for the last 9 months he had sensed and felt this particular woman. Parents’ respect for this natural instinct will help the child to more easily adapt to external life. Therefore, it is imperative to discuss with the surrogate how this will happen and whether it will be comfortable for her to pick up the baby after childbirth.
The beginning of emotional preparation
At a certain level, parents-to-be begin to emotionally prepare when deciding to have a baby. For some, the bond begins during pregnancy. All options are fine. However, it is advisable to do everything possible to mentally prepare for the impending changes. Parents can feel anxious and vulnerable as they are about to meet someone they do not know. This can be frustrating and frightening.
The thorny path of learning parenting is inevitable. And the connection with the child is an important part of it. Although the emotional preparation in surrogate pregnancy looks a little different than in natural pregnancy, this does not change the final bond that parents will have with their baby.
Tips for getting closer to your baby
The bonding process will look different for each family. However, there are a few guides that, when applied consistently, can help steer the process back on track and make it easier to live a new life together:
- Conversations with the baby. This could be a description of the procedure for making a mixture in a bottle, a family meal, or what is happening outside the window. Communication is very useful for a newborn. Sounds and words quickly penetrate the baby's brain, which, like a sponge, absorbs everything new. And then they become its basis of speech.
- Time face to face. It is even better if, during a conversation, the parents look into the baby's face, into his eyes. Babies learn this exchange by example. When his parents smile at him, he eventually smiles back. And all parents expect this first smile!
- Touches. The importance of touch should not be underestimated. Skin-to-skin contact has been shown to stimulate a chemical reaction in the body that causes the production of oxytocin, a neuropeptide that creates bonding. You need to find time to hug and embrace your baby. Because every little touch strengthens the child's sense of security and trust.
Sometimes, creating a bond with a newborn becomes a problem. When, after several weeks, the parent does not feel contact with the baby or experiences other disturbing symptoms. Such as strong sadness, hopelessness, anger, the desire to avoid the child or other family members, friends. In this case, you should visit a doctor, as it may be postpartum depression or other nervous disorders that are successfully treated. This does not make the person a “bad” parent. This means that the parent wants to do his best to take care of their child.
Newfound fatherhood or motherhood, especially after surrogate pregnancy requires a lot of effort. At this time, it is absolutely normal to need additional support, which the Feskov Human Reproduction team is always ready to provide. Starting from financial security during the selected program - till the postnatal care of the baby, including a pediatrician and a psychologist.
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